The Talk
by sasaengandfab
Summary: Flynn has to have "the talk" with Rapunzel.


_"The Talk"_

_- Flynn has to have "the talk" with Rapunzel._

_Enjoy c;_

**o0~0o~o0~0o**

"Aah!" Rapunzel gasped sharply as her dress maid pulled tightly on the ribbons of her corset. She was scheduled to make an appearance in the courtroom for her wedding rehearsal, and was also set to wear her pearl and lilac rehearsal dress, but that meant she had to wear shoes, which she absolutely despised.

"I'm dearly sorry, your highness." The dress maid cooed in her ear, before pulling at the rest of the ribbons and tying them.

"I can barely breathe." Rapunzel cried out, leaning her forehead against the mirror.

"Haven't you ever worn a corset before, madame?"

"Well yes, but my mother has never sewn them this tight."

"On your wedding day, as _well _as in rehearsal, they will be sewn tighter." The maid patted the girl's head affectionately. "You always have to look absolutely spectacular when you are wed."

"Why does being wed hurt so much?"

"Beauty is pain, my dear. Haven't you ever heard that phrase?"

Rapunzel shook her head solemnly.

"Well, girls of...normal status, they go through extreme measures to look good."

"Extreme measures?" Rapunzel sounded almost alarmed. Almost instantaneously, Pascal popped up from under a pile of loose ribbon atop the vanity.

"Waxing."

"Waxing?" She bit her lip.

"As a way of semi-permanent hair removal. And yes, it does sting."

"But I will actually have to endure pain now that I am without my hair!" Her hands flew to her scalp.

"Oh, please, Princess." The maid dusted off her bodice and ran a brush through the princess' dark knotted locks. "Do you realize how much more your prince will realize he loves you if you become more appealing?"

"What...what do you mean?" The former blonde turned her head slightly towards her trusted maiden. She had unwillingly taken offense to the statement bestowed to her. "I'm not fat! I'm a vegetarian!"

"No, no, princess, you are taking it all wrong." She smoothed down the back of the girl's hair, cooing more sweet nothings into the ear of the bride. It was so soft and delicate that it held a sense of love, like when Gothel used to speak softly to her young flower. "I mean that simply, it will make him want you even more, if you were thinner."

"Want me? But he already has me?" Rapunzel glanced back at the maiden.

"Oh, dear..." The woman buried her face in her palm, resting her elbow on her other forearm. "Your mother has never had the talk with you, has she?"

"What talk?"

The maiden chuckled. "Oh, dear princess, you are so clueless sometimes." Her voice was thick and it was deep when she chuckled. Her words slid ever so smoothly across her tongue and out of her mouth, almost like a silk ribbon. It was as if she was unfazed the entire time - and yet she was not.

_How could I not have expected this? _she scolded herself inwardly. _The princess has never once been to the outside world. She has been told nothing of people, and therefore has been told nothing about relationships and matrimony. How could I have been so blind? _The questions all pressed against her skull, making her sense that her head would surely burst.

"I do not understand?" Rapunzel rose from her stool in front of the vanity and turned to face her helper.

The maiden blinked a few times. "You... how about... go to..." She mumbled senselessly to her somewhat conscious self.

Pascal crawled his way up Rapunzel's spine and nested himself atop her head, turning dark brown to match the pigments of her hair.

"How about you ask your mother over dinner? Yes?" The maiden grinned awkwardly. She honestly had no clue what to tell the young princess. She certainly wasn't in the correct place to be having the speech of life with the lost princess. Why, the girl has never even truly experienced the seasons! She has been locked in that tower her entire life!

"Do you think she will know?"

"Well, even if she does not know all of it, she will certainly tell you part of it." The maiden kissed her forehead gently.

"Well, who else could I ask? If my mother does not know everything?"

Rapunzel was starting to feel choked, uncomfortable. She had never been so dumbfounded in her life. She had never misunderstood life so heavily before. Gothel had told her that babies came from storks. When two loving parents wanted a child, they called up an organization of storks, told them which gender they wanted, and within a couple months, the stork would bring the child to them during the night.

"Hmmm... perhaps ask your fiance?" The maiden suggested out of the blue.

Rapunzel's head darted towards the door before she could even comprehend her actions. _Ask Eugene? But...what if one day I want to have a child with Eugene? Wouldn't he be creeped out by the sudden mention of the conversation?_

"I don't know, Marie." She crossed her arms and looked at the floor sadly. "I mean, won't Eugene be...freaked out?"

"Well, that depends." The dress maiden - or 'Marie' - seated herself on a loveseat on the opposite side of the den. "If he is truly ready to spare himself to have a child, then he should be alright with it. He may be shocked a bit that you would be the first to mention it, but I don't think he will be upset or worked up."

Rapunzel was quiet. Should she ask Eugene? Or should she simply ask her parents? _But what if her parents didn't know everything?_

"Now, Princess, will you please put on your slippers?"

**o0~0o~o0~0o**

All was silent in the dining hall. The food was steaming and pungent with the many heavenly scents that Rapunzel adored. Her parents were smiling and beaming at having their daughter back, and soon, having her wed. They couldn't have been prouder of their lost princess.

Forks and knives clanged when they hit the plates. Napkins were dabbed at wet lips. Champagne flutes were sipped. A thick blanket of calm descended upon them, curtaining over the whole room. The air was still, cool, and bright. Eyes attached themselves to dust particles floating down from above.

The Queen glanced up at her daughter and smiled, having Rapunzel return the gesture.

They could not have been prouder. Their daughter was hitting all of her milestones that she had never once been able to complete in that tower. She was experiencing so many new things. She was learning so many new secrets about the world. It seemed as if there was nothing she did not know now that she had wanted to. It was as if she had no more worries -

"Mother? Father? Where do babies come from?"

The silence suddenly cut short. The King paused in the middle of lifting his mug to his parched lips. The Queen began to choke on her thin soup. All breaths hitched. Rapunzel was confused. _Why did her parents react this way? What was the problem?_

"Rapunzel!" The Queen looked apalled. "Where would you come up with such a question?"

"Well, Marie told me that if I asked you to, that you and Father would have "the talk" with me."

"Good Lord..." The King muttered.

"Marie? Ugh, what is wrong with that woman?" The Queen clenched her fists. "Rapunzel, dear, don't listen to Marie. She's a bit daft."

"But I have a feeling that babies just don't come from storks, Mother!" Rapunzel set down her silverware. "I have to know where they really come from! And how they're made! I want to know how _I w_as made, how _I _came to be."

"Well...I...uh..." The Queen stammered, glancing over at her husband for help. He was busy keeping to himself, sipping his soup quietly.

"Mother...how are babies made?" Rapunzel repeated slowly.

"Charles?" The Queen barked at her husband for support.

"This is your place, Anne. Don't ask me to intervene." He muttered between spoonfuls of broth.

"Where did I come from? How do two people know when they're ready to have a baby?" Rapunzel pleaded desperately. "I need to know."

"Well, uh... when... when two people are very much in love," The Queen felt her voice crack in the middle of her sentence. She was highly uneasy and could feel her heartbeat quicken, "they decide that they are ready to have a baby. And the act of making this baby, is called lovemaking, dear. But, it is only called lovemaking if you are in love. If you are not in love, or someone forces this act upon you, it is called rape, and it is a crime."

"A crime?" The princess' face fell.

"Yes. This is a crime because this forced act could result in unwanted pregnancy, disease, wounds, and other things."

"Mother...what is this act?" Rapunzel looked up at the Queen. "How is it performed?"

The Queen's breath got strangled in her throat, and she let out a moan-like sound. She was unsure if she should even be having this conversation at this very moment.

"Dear, this is a horrible conversation to have over dinner."

"But why won't you tell me, Mother?

"Rapunzel, we are done talking about this." The Queen narrowed her eyes.

"But Mother! I have to know!"

"Then go ask Eugene! I'm sure he would know!" The Queen's voice got louder, but she managed to keep it soft and serene.

"Eugene...Eugene..." Rapunzel rambled on, unsure of herself. "But wouldn't he find it awkward?"

"Not much more awkward than you have made it in here." The Queen chuckled.

"Thank you, Mother." Rapunzel grinned and excused herself from the table, before kicking off her slippers, tossing them into the corner, and darting down the long tile hall.

"Oy vey." The Queen massaged her temples.

"You should have known this day would come, my dear." The King patted the outside of her hand endearingly. "That lecherous witch would never explain to her the science of life."

"Perhaps you are right. But I never prepared myself for it." The Queen shrugged and began to carve into her meat, the fork poked into the thick slice she was administered, the knife roving back and forth against the hind of the fork. "In the absence of our daughter for eighteen years, I never thought I would be able to even see her again. So in turn, I never thought to mentally prepare my speech ahead of time."

The King kissed her fingers graciously. "Eugene will know. He is a very smart man, very sly, very keen. He will know."

The Queen chuckled. "I have a feeling he won't like this sudden pressure."

They both laughed heartily.

**o0~0o~o0~0o**

"Eugene?" Rapunzel piped quietly as she sauntered down the hall. The further she went, the dimmer the lights got, and the more the darkness seemed to surround her. The hallway was old, and the lighting was poor, albeit nobody suggested having it fixed. It wasn't a bother.

She peered in and out of miscellaneous doors she came across. A thick curtain of silence draped over her and the entire hall. Not a soul was stirring. Not a sound was to be heard. Rapunzel's calm breathing was the only defense against the deafening silence.

"Eugeeeeene?" She whispered out.

"Rapunzel!" A voice scraped up against the nape of her neck.

The girl shrieked and bolted around, falling over towards her attacker, before they lifted her back up with strong hands. She was met by a clever face and dark hair.

"Eugene Fitzherbert! You scared the living bejeesus out of me!" She pressed both hands to her breastbone and exhaled deeply, trying to slow her heartbeat. "Why weren't you at dinner?"

"Eh, I wasn't hungry. I decided to go visit the prison to laugh at my former companions." He grinned at her.

Rapunzel toyed with her fingers absentmindedly. She was unsure of how her beloved would react if she asked him the question.

"Eugene...what is lovemaking?"

Eugene stopped short. _Had she really just asked him that? _He could feel his face flush. _Should I tell her? I mean...we're not married yet..._

"Uh...it's...um..." He stammered. He was absolutely bewildered.

"Here. come in here." She grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the guest room. "I don't want people hearing us." She whispered, putting her finger to her lips.

Eugene ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. He grabbed the desk chair and turned it around and sat on it, so the back was to his stomach. Rapunzel sat on the love seat in front of Eugene.

"Rapunzel..." He rubbed his forehead. "First of all, where did this idea even _come from_?"

"I was curious." She stated softly and slowly. "When I was in that tower, Gothel never told me how life works. She never told me anything about people. She never told me where babies came from, or why they were made. She never thought I'd leave that tower. She never thought it would be important." She let her eyes fall, drifting down to her feet. She felt somewhat ashamed.

He sighed. "Alright. Even though this will be...a challenge for me, I will help you."

"Really?" Her face lit up as she looked at him.

He nodded. "What do you want to hear first?"

She rubbed her arms. "Well, Mother already told me that babies are made in the act of lovemaking, but she also said that you need to be in love to engage in lovemaking."

"Right." He heard his voice crack and he cleared his throat a couple times. "Well, yes, you need to be in love to engage in lovemaking-"

"So, could we engage in lovemaking right now if we wanted to?" She interrupted him, baring the most sincere look on her face.

He became very uncomfortable. "I-I suppose."

She smiled at him.

He cleared his throat again. "But when you force this act upon someone, especially if they do not want it, it's called rape, and...and it's a crime." He looked down.

"Eugene...how is this act performed?"

He shifted, unsure of himself for once. He had always been so confident, so keen, but this conversation was breaking down that wall. "Well...uh...when two people love each other very much, they engage in lovemaking. But you can't just jump right into it. You have to get the person ready."

"Ready?"

"You have to get them aroused."

"What's that?"

He was silent for a few moments. "When someone is aroused," he nearly choked out the word, "it means they are ready for lovemaking. If they are not aroused, it could very well hurt."

"What hurts? What happens?"

"Well, uh...y-you know what genetalia are, right?" He started to feel constricted.

She nodded.

"During lovemaking, both a male and a female set of genitalia have to interact in order for a baby to be made."

"...Eww." Her face crinkled up.

"No, no, it's actually very fun."

"So they go..." She made fists with just her index fingers sticking out, and she pushed her fingers together a couple times before looking up at him eagerly.

He felt his pants tighten a bit under her stare. "Not quite." He managed to chuckle out. "It's actually more like this." He made two fists, his left one loose and shaped like a circle, the other tight and with just the index finger sticking out. He proceeded to push his finger into his fist a couple times.

She giggled at him. "So wait...how does this result in a baby?"

"Well the female genetalia contain eggs and the male genetalia contain sperm, which are almost like fertilizers."

She cocked her head at him, slightly confused.

He sighed. "It's almost like..." He thought for a few moments before coming up with a way of explaining it to her. "The female eggs are like skeletons, and the male sperm are like the skin and muscles. You can't have a baby with just one. You need both of them."

"How do they mix?"

"When, uh..." He coughed. He mentally patted himself on the back. He was actually quite good at explaining this to her. "Well, I'm not exactly sure how to explain that...I guess when the male is aroused enough, he releases his sperm into the female, and they find their way to the egg."

"Ohhh." She kicked her feet freely. "How do you know when he is aroused enough?"

Now he started to become hot and bothered. This girl was going to be the death of him.

"He..his genitalia start growing..."

"Growing?"

"I, uh..." He rubbed the nape of his neck.

"Like this?" She got up and walked over, getting down on her knees, and pushing her hand through the slit of the chair and caressing his groin. He looked up at her with a pleading glare.

"It will uh..." _God, that feels so damn good... _"It will start to get bigger, and..." He began to pant softly. "It will have to be touched a lot...in order to...impregnate a girl."

"Well, how does she know she is aroused enough?" She continued to rub his pants. He hooked his chin over the top of the chair and looked down at her.

"She, uh..." He could feel his eyes glazing over. "Her groin will start to grow...warm and moist..." He was so bothered by this statement that he could not sit still. He constantly squirmed around. He even found himself moving his hips forward more and more.

"And then what?"

"Then...the male puts his aroused genitals into the female's...and they mate...and they will eventually make a baby."

"How long does it take?"

"Which part?"

"Which part?" She repeated. "There are parts?"

He chuckled silently at her. "Didn't you know babies take nine months to grow inside the mother?"

She shook her head, looking up at him, face coated in sorrow.

"Oh." He immediately felt bad for her. "Well, yeah. They grow inside the mother for nine months. Sometimes they take a little less. And sometimes they take a little more."

"How long does it take to mate?"

"Well that all depends on how aroused the couple is." He paused as a few grunts came out of his mouth. "If they have been aroused for a while, mating could take a few minutes. If they have not been aroused for very long, mating could take a lot longer."

"Does everybody do it?"

"Yes. It's perfectly normal. It's part of human nature." He grinned slightly, reaching down to rub her head. "Your parents did it to make you. And my parents did it to make me."

"Thank you, Eugene." She smiled at him before kneeling up to kiss him.

He was already pumped up and ready to go. He stood up, kicking the chair away from him, and pouncing onto his little princess, pushing her against the ground.

"Eugene!" She gasped, shocked at his sudden actions.

"Call me Flynn."

"What?" She looked down at him. He was busy rubbing up against her, their groins attached.

He smirked up at her. "I'm going to show you what mating with Flynn Rider is like."

She whimpered as he picked up her legs and wrapped them around his hips, before rubbing on her again. She went along with everything he did. If he told her to cover her mouth, she did it. If he told her to keep quiet, she did it. If he told her to arch her back, she did it. She knew what she wanted, and she knew she was ready. She was eighteen finally. She wanted to be the mother of Eugene's unborn child.

_He couldn't have been prouder of his lost princess._

**o0~0o~o0~0o**

"Rapunzel, what in Heaven's name are you doing?"

Said girl looked up at Eugene, whom was standing in the doorway, surprised.

She continued to jump up and down.

"I wanted to know if I could hear the little skeletons inside of me!"

**o0~0o~o0~0o**

**A/N **I absolutely loved writing Her cluelessness is so funny, haha.


End file.
